i cant believe iam sitting here typing this blog at 3:30 AM on a sunday morning, i can hear the man above us smoring and david snoring, and my cofffee pot brewing my wake up juice, coffee. i had a weird dream , colleen szabo was in it and leanardo dicaprio at least it looked like him, colleen was rich and was able to buy him anything she wanted, and was, i was alone on the sidelines dreaming he would pick me for his date, he told me he was 90% sure he would choose me. we'll i woke up before i could find out who he chose, it was probly colleen anyways. yes. i have a negative attitude, not just towards my dream but towards everything and everyone. i dont understand why iam where iam today, why i didnt choose a different path on the long road to the end, now im stuck, thats exactly how i feel is stuck. now iam stuck in this blog and i cant believe i am gunna run outta things to say..lol..my boys went to homecoming last night!! i cant believe it, where does the time go? it just seems to float away on a little bubble high far away, and memories do fade, i dont care what anyone else says they fade!! i cant remeber half the shit in my life, oh yea my parents were in my dream too and debbie, as they all often are, they were being mean to me, in fact in almost all my dreams that is true. i hate to think mom and dad died mad at me but they did, mom died alone (we'll dad and debbie were there) without having seen my newest son that was born in september(she died december 3rd 2000) i was told later that she didnt want me to have dominic, by who? debbie of coarse and moms not here to defend herself. mom loved babies and at the time i was in a great relationship with chris, so why not? and as far as dad goes i was told, again by debbie, that he was upset with me in his last weeks. i have this enormous amount of guilt that i did something wrong or made them dissapointed in me, debbie sees herself as a hero because she took care of mom for a while during her illness. then took care and moved in with dad durning his last months.
i swear i think iam the only one in the world up at this hour. i go to bed at 6pm so what do u expect? maybe i really need to start staying up later? i cant stand sitting here in front of the t.v. arguing with david, it happens everynite. i say something, he takes me too seriouslly, then we start to fight, he'll say something i dont like, then off to bed i go. we cant live like this forever. somethings gotta give. either i have to just blow his comments off, or he needs to chill and stop taking everything so seriouslly. i think #2 is the best choice.